'90210' Recap: Episode 38, 'Girl Fight!'

Girl fights, girl love, girl shopping. The kids of West Bev High were as busy as ever this week swapping sand, spit and secrets in school and out. The lamer of the two ongoing love triangles was resolved when Dixon was forced to come clean to Silver and Teddy about his master plan to paint Teddy as a playboy-sister-dater in order to give Silver enough time to fall in love with him again. See, Dixon’s estranged mother had not replied to his email yet and rejection from two bipolars is more than he can handle. In order to stay friends, Teddy punches Dixon in the gut. Silver then attempts to play hard to get for two hours, but caves when she sees T in some shorty-shorts: Celebrity couple Silveddy is ready to rule to school.

Elsewhere in the cafeteria, Naomi attempts to use the history of boats to connect with Liam, but when she realizes she needs more than a sexy pronunciation of “canoe” to keep his attention (don’t look at me, it usually works like a charm), she turns to Ivy. Ivy suggests a hiking date for the three of them and all that clean air wises Naomi up to the fact that I.V. is still after her man.

Naomi fights back by showing off her oiled, bikini-clad bod and next thing you know, the girls are rolling around in the sand. It takes Liam an extraordinarily long time to break them up (who is this show’s target audience again?), but a long-winded “Take Me As I Am” speech from Naomi (haven’t we heard this before?) reminds Liam that he doesn’t like her for their common interests or ability to sustain conversations, he likes Naomi because she is an “independent woman” … did I mention he came up with this reason while she was naked in a cabana?

Teacher-of-the-Year Mr. Matthews reappeared this week to continue his long run of exemplifying integrity in the teaching profession by ignoring Naomi’s plagiarism in favor of discussing his failed relationship with her sister and later grading papers while getting hammered at a bar. An unusually-broad-backed-wine-guzzling-hippie-cougar (you don’t find many of those everyday) seduces ol’ Teach by regaling him with stories of sexual conquests of the 70s and luring him to the parking lot. The satisfying twist to this seemingly random event? Broadback turns out to be none other than Ivy’s pot-smoking mom!!! Did not see that coming.

And in other minor news, Adrianna and Rumer Willis are still hanging out “as friends.” Annie allows herself to be blackmailed to a lunch in Beverly Hills, but draws the line at sex and tells Jasper life in jail would be better than dating him. She gets as far as typing up her confession to her parents until his bluff is called and Stalk-ster agrees to keep her killing ways a secret til she loves him again.

Unfortunately, the Auto-Save on her computer doesn’t care about love and refuses to buy into this agreement (confessions should be verbal kids! No hard copies.) There is basically no info on Navid and last week’s drug bust, but, hey! Here’s some good news! Turns out Dixon’s mom doesn’t hate him. She just doesn’t know how to use email, so she does the next best thing and shows up on his doorstep. Classy.

What did you think of this weeks love connections: Naomi and Liam? Silver and Teddy? What about Dixon's mom making a return?

Tags 90210, AnnaLynne McCord, Gillian Zinser, Jessica Lowndes, Jessica Stroup, Matt Lanter, Rumer Willis, Ryan Eggold, Shenae Grimes, Trevor Donovan, Tristan Wilds, TV Recap