Yesterday, in "Things We Can't Quite Believe," comes word that adorable poptart Justin Bieber had reportedly to have unleashed his inner gossip boy during an interview with an English newspaper — and his target was none other than superdiva Mariah Carey. Justin supposedly complained about Mimi's latest work, saying, "I don't love her new music, it's not the same... It's like Michael Jordan coming back out to play in the NBA. She is past her best." OH NO HE DIDN'T.
Well, actually, he may not have — seeing as that bit of the interview has disappeared with no explanation from the original article, now everything is hearsay. But if it is true, we'd like to see the Beebs and Miss Carey step out from behind the microphone and settle this grudge the old-fashioned way...
And by that, we mean in a celebrity cage-wrestling match in front of hundreds of screaming fans. And since we're already planning an epic fight night, why don't we stack up a few more face-offs we'd like to see between our favorite divas and some popstar competition? Check out our head-to-head matchups!
Match #1: JUSTIN BIEBER VS. MARIAH CAREY
We predict: Mariah shows up in a tailored cagefighting ensemble with ever-supportive hubby Nick Cannon as her coach. Justin gets in a good lick or two at the outset, but his shot at winning is nothing but a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby — after only one round, he goes down hard when Mariah unleashes a shocking high note that shatters his right arm. After a long convalescence, he makes amends with his former rival and the two collaborate on a best-selling remix of "One Less Lonely Girl."
Match #2: MILEY CYRUS VS. WHITNEY HOUSTON
We predict: Miley starts a party in the U.S.A. with a roundhouse kick to Whitney's solar plexus. Whitney goes down in flames, and makes several embarrassing attempts to restart the fight before finally admitting defeat. Miley tells everyone that this was never a big deal, anyway, and not to take it so seriously. Whitney lies on the ground for six years, then makes a graceful comeback and offers to give Miley some much-needed singing lessons.
Match #3: ASHLEY TISDALE VS. PAULA ABDUL
We predict: Paula effectively distracts Ashleythrough 15 rounds of fighting, alternating between babbling randomly about unicorns and shouting, "America loves you!" Finally, Ashley puts Paula away with a choreographed series of family-friendly hip-hop dance moves. Paula is knocked unconscious but continues to compliment Ashley's fighting style and applaud with her fingers bent outward at 45-degree angles.
Match #4: KE$HA VS. ARETHA FRANKLIN
We predict: Trash-talking galore! Ke$ha bursts into the ring and informs Aretha that "I'mma fight til we see the sunlight!" Aretha replies that Ke$ha needs to learn a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. The fight degenerates into a shouting match until Aretha finally snaps and knocks Ke$ha unconscious with a giant bedazzled hat.
Match #5: JONAS BROTHERS VS. TLC
We predict: Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes rises from the beyond to join T-Boz and Chilli in delivering a smackdown to the oh-so-wholesome The Jonas Brothers. After informing the youngsters that they don't want no scrubs, the girl-group launches a strategic assault... only to be effortlessly repelled by Joe Jonas' eyebrows, which turn out to have magic powers. The bros comfort the embarrassed TLC by inviting them to Camp Rock for the weekend.
** Hollywood Crush Twitter