After a week off, “90210” returned last night to take a page from the original. Almost two decades later, the SATs are still serving to test more than the student’s vocab at West Bev. (Historical factoid: the original cast took their collegiate exams in ’91 amidst Brenda’s breast cancer scare). Modern day kids have modern day problems though, so let’s delve right in to the gambling, slandering and evil step-dad-ing of 2010.
Realizing his NBA instincts aren’t the keenest, yet not one to give up so easily, Dixon is still cultivating his early addiction to gambling. He decides to try hustling kids his own age with a secret game of poker. When Mark, best known for making out with Annie and then showing off topless pics of her, crashes the game with a wad of cash, Dixon’s pupils turn to dollar signs and all is lost — poker face is more than a Gaga track, D. Heavily in the hole to Mark, Dixon shows his propensity bad decision-making: stealing the key to the school from his dad, standing directly in front of a security camera, offering up valuable blackmail information ... DJ Dix would find his time better spent studying Street Smarts than the SATs.
As punishment for falsely accusing her teacher of sexual harassment, Naomi is given the harsh sentence of public fashion embarrassment and trash duty. Not sure if picking up soda cups in an orange vest quite matches the crime, but Principal Wilson knows best, right? As Naomi goes about her day with new BFF Annie, she continues to hear extras whispering about what a molester Mr. Cannon is – weren’t they whispering about what a liar Naomi was two weeks ago? How quickly they forget the storyline. Naomi sets the record straight once and for all, climbing on top of a chair in the lunchroom to announce she is the pervert, not Cannon. This declaration serves to make everything right with Silver, Adrianna, Mr. Cannon and eventually Liam. Unfortunately N’s bliss is short-lived when she runs into big sis Jen, who is not only back in town, but also the proud owner of the beach club, a present from her husband for forgiving him for cheating on her after she left him and slept with a bunch of guys, including one still in high school. Go ahead, say it with me: Huh?
Anyway, Liam finds himself rebuilding his relationship with his dad, who left a popular diner in Stars Hollow to start a new venture in tackle shops. When Liam’s step-dad threatens to build a gym in the space Liam uses to build his boat, Liam finds himself with no choice but to steal three rusty dimes from the guy, valued at ten grand (anything is worth money when you’re rich), so Real Dad can sell tackle and save him from life in the mansion.
By the high school twist of fate known as “project partners,” Liam and Annie find themselves mandated to spend time together in the name of homework, fueling Annie’s crush. Liam is there when Annie overhears her parents arguing about their dying marriage and they jump in fountain to forget about it. Annie, finally finding herself with friends at school again, convinces Liam to forgive Naomi and then fights against her feelings for Liam by leaving voicemails and erasing them and quickly averting her eyes when he catches her staring at SATs.
Finally, Ole’ Teddy “Muscles In His Ears” Montgomery and his girlfriend, frontrunner for Worst Wardrobe of the Year Award, find their relationship in trouble, yet again, after Silver shames her boy toy for his tennis star dreams and then turns supportive by bringing her flashcards to one of his matches.
Introducing herself to the famous Spence Montgomery (how real-life creep Ryan O’Neal got this gig is beyond me), Silv realizes Teddy has not told Movie Star Dad he has finally settled down. Gasp! How could he? Let’s ruin the SATs because that is “seriously. not. OK.” Someone just get Silver back to catholic school where there are no boys and she is safely dressed in uniforms and that will be a start in the right direction.
Shout out goes to Ivy this week. She may have been in the dark all episode, but she was also out of the drama. And how cute did she look skating in overalls? Justin Bobby could take a note from her in how to rock denim. Only three shows left! I wonder who will die this year …
What did you think of last night's "90210"? Was your SAT experience anything like their's? And, are you as perturbed by Silver's clothes as we are?
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