So remember when "The Hills" ended, and the camera focused in on Brody Jenner, and the Hollywood sign backdrop was wheeled away revealing a backlot and it was all confusing and meta and nobody really knew what it meant (except maybe Justin Bobby because he hides all those secrets in his hair)?
Well, it's actually pretty simple, really. The cast of "The Hills" is relocating to Miami (better hawk that plane to ticket to Europe, Kristin), where they'll go to the gym, do laundry and tan. They'll suck on pickles like a pregnant woman in her third trimester, fist pump like champs and creep on every guidette and juicehead in a six-mile radius of South Beach. Wait—what did you say? That's "Jersey Shore"? Oh, shoot—we already created the graphics for the new and improved "Hills." Sheesh, well, before you tune into the "Jersey Shore" premiere tonight, check out what could have been (including a Snooki-fied Heidi Montag).
Heidi Montag as Snooki
Or as we like to call her, "Hooki." We all know Heidi's been dealing with quite a "Situation" lately (i.e. possibly soon-to-be-ex Spencer), so a fresh start on "Jersey Shore" is just what the doctor ordered. Besides a surgically implanted pouf.
Brody Jenner as DJ Pauly D
Avril better keep close to her man, because Brody might just find himself vibing with another girl (no grenades allowed, natch) while spinning tracks as DJ Pauly D. Plus, you could hardly blame a guidette for falling in love with a juicehead that can get her a discount at Dash Miami—just sayin'.
Lauren Conrad as JWoww
Lauren's eponymous clothing line at Kohl's is nice, but just think how much more merchandise she'd push if she sold JWoww's signature cut-down-to-there-nothing-left-to-the-imagination tops. We even have a name for the new line: Filthy LCouture. See what we did there?
(Click on any of the images above to check out the rest of "The Hills" cast including Audrina, Kristin and Justin Bobby as Seaside Heights residents)
What do you think about our "Hills" meets "Jersey Shore" mash-up? How do you think life would pan out for the cast living Jersey Shore lifestyle?
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