Can we all give a collective sigh for "90210"? Breathe in with me now. Okay, let it go. Shake it off. But seriously—what is up with this show? They canceled "Melrose 2.0" but kept this? It isn't even that the show isn't relatable anymore; it isn't even aspirational. No one needs to feel better about themselves compared to scripted characters—that's what Real Housewives are for. Let's take a moment, I guess, to recap why we would never want these Beverly Hills lives.
Annie scored an amazing internship working for a theater company. She cleans coffee pots, mingles with Mamet; it's a gleek’s dream come true. That is, until she assumes her boss is a lesbian that wants to hook up with her. When she meets Katherine's (Lisa Waltz of "My So-Called Life" fame) husband Peter, she jumps to the conclusion that they are swingers that both want to sleep with her. Granted "I don’t swim, I jacuzzi" is a pretty swingin' line, I don't think anyone was prepared for what K & P really wanted from little intern Annie: her eggs. Who's ready for MTV’s new pilot "16 And (My Boss Is) Pregnant (With My Baby)"?
Teddy pulled a Benjamin Button this episode, waking up in a hotel room at 40 and miraculously aging down to 17 by the time he actually showed up for class later in the week. He easily filled the time previously taken up by tennis practice with extra homework assignments, stalking Silver to apologize and avoiding the boy he hooked up with. That's right, we got our first taste of Teddy as a gay man and it looks like his closet is a walk-in. Who's your compass foot now?
Oscar answered the age-old question of whether you can actually wrestle in jeans (A: You can.) He also showed that pinning a man down while talking about sex isn't necessarily as awkward as it might seem. Okay, that's a lie. It was completely weird and uncomfortable that he broke the news to Dix that Ivy didn't lose her V-card at surf camp while Dixon laid on top of him. But Oscar was foiled again. This only brought the couple closer. Ivy opened up about being abandoned by her dad and we found out Oscar wasn't just banging Laurel for a good time—the Aussie is on a revenge mission. Lesson: Just say no to intercourse.
Naomi may have finally tapped in to her trust fund, but she was so tired from reliving her rape every night that she wore last year’s House of Harlow necklace to film her yearbook video. I love Nicole Richie as much as the next girl, but can we at least see some accessories that are current to this season? (And Tori, you need to get on this. There is no reason your HSN line shouldn’t get some shine too.) Naomi waged war with the bags under her eyes (I wish I looked as good as Naomi "tired") and struggled to sleep at night. She finally resorted to painkillers and red wine, leaving Silver to find her passed out (OD-ed?) on the couch. This is still so sad.
Silver finds Naomi after rushing to her apartment to apologize for not believing her rape story. She finally gets some of the "I'm-going-to-rape-you-any-minute-now" signals from Cannon when she agrees to watch his documentary in his dark, creepy apartment. She narrowly misses being drugged by Cannon when she spills her tea and bolts for the door. Don't take candy (or hot beverages) from strangers.
Adrianna performs Javier's stolen song at his memorial service and finally hears the words every girl dreams of: "You’ve gone viral!" With a million hits on YouTube, she books a gig singing on "Entertainment Tonight"—a true benchmark of success. Of course, nothing goes right for Aid for long, and Javier’s manager is quick to tell her that he has a copy of Javier singing the song that he wrote. For those keeping score at home, we're at Adrianna 0 / The Biz 5.
Liam and Navid were missing in action last night. They were probably off having fun somewhere and who wants to see that?
What did you think of last night's "90210"?
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