It was announced last October that two new faces would be coming to Rosewood, and last night we finally met the mysterious Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) and Simone (Alona Tal)! Caleb is living up to the hype of "bad boy," but Simone assumed a more interesting role. First, let's get back to Alison’s last QuickTime.
As the girls watched Ali’s hand grip the soil (In pain? Ecstasy? The final throes of death?) for the eighth time, while debating turning the extended play version of the video in to the police, brother-in-law Ian waltzed into the kitchen for some popcorn. I quickly flashed back to episode two, when, in relation to "The Jenna Thing," Spencer told the girls the tragic story of when Ian was blinded in his left eye after taking the end of a lacrosse stick to the temple. Because why else wouldn’t he be able to see himself, paused, full-screen on Spence’s laptop, right? And why else would Spencer wait a full three minutes before closing the lid on murder evidence if she didn’t think Ian could see it? Oh, hey, Ian did see it! And he stole the computer and deleted the file! The Liars are foiled again in their quest to find their friend's murderer.
Alas, there are other things to worry to about: how to call Maya when your phone number is blocked by juvie camp; your teacher-boyfriend falling for someone of legal age; finding a part-time job and pesky school functions.
Last night, I watched the show with one of my more politically minded, extremely educated friends. In the midst of viewing, however, we both missed a key piece of dialogue because when I wondered why the students of Rosewood were decorating their auditorium in government-themed memorabilia and President Obama cut-outs, aforementioned friend guessed they must be preparing for a school-wide viewing of tonight’s State of the Union address. I have to admit, for a second, I was proud. "I told you this show was smart! And timely!" I felt somehow responsible for the teen drama’s nod to civic consciousness.
Yeah … it took an embarrassingly long time to realize that this was actually not some kind of "Pretty Little Liars"/ State of the Union cross-over event, but rather a dance marathon-themed episode and a poor one at best, with little enforcement of the laws governing an event hinged on the premise that you can’t-stop-won’t-stop dancing. Ever. And it definitely didn’t have anything to do with the laws governing our country. To set the record straight, in case anyone out there also missed it, the government décor was in honor of Rosewood Day raising money for a class trip to Washington, D.C. (Thanks, Wikipedia.)
Hanna was one of the few students to take the dance seriously, but only because A offered H a job. Every dance with Lucas earned old Hefty some dough, and the girl raked it in. Of course, she pissed Sean off and toyed with Lucas' emotions, but with five dances at $200, at least one at $500 and a final slow song at $1000? That’s a mortgage payment.
Emily used the dance as an opportunity to booze from Hanna’s flask. A unique character twist to bad boy Caleb is that he is also a whiz at cell phones. He arrived at Rosewood Day with long hair, a bad attitude and a catalog of ringtones that could make a Verizon rep weep. Em puts in a rush order to have her phone number unblocked from Maya’s phone. We all know this is absurd and unrealistic, but Caleb pulls it off and Emily finally talks to her girlfriend, only to hang up feeling more disconnected and alone than before. Cue the Jack Daniels.
Aria’s mom makes an appearance and guess who’s in town!? Old babysitter-turned-big-city-writer Simone. Aria’s mom immediately sets Simone up with Ezra for coffee and conversations about puppets in Prague and publishing. Aria’s jealousy knows no bounds. Her take-out brew is no match for Simone’s public mugs; her journal entries can’t live up to a real, completed short story, yet Ezra assures her he only loves one girl. And he almost seals it with a kiss. However, as Aria’s mom is desperate to remind her daughter: a good man is hard to find. And Simone is not giving up on Mr. Fitz. Also, you don’t want a pizza with too many toppings. #momwisdom
Creepier than the closing scene's black leather jacket and matching gloves? Ian’s uneaten ham sandwich half.
What did you think about last night's episode? Will Simone break up Ezra and Aria? Are Emily and Maya headed for Splitsville? Is Spencer safe in her own home with Ian lurking about? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!
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