by Emily Exton
Adrianna may have seemed vapid and delusional at the height of her faux pop-star career, but somehow she became even worse during its downward spiral. (Maybe we should try having a little sympathy for poor Aid. Ashton Kutcher did stop following her on Twitter!) Yes, there’s nothing like stealing a dead guy’s song to get all the gossip magazines to compare you to a vampire, and the media’s backlash and sudden disinterest in her (even pulling a Lindsay Lohan didn’t work) was more than her publicist had taught her to handle. "This whole thing is so unfair!" the fallen pop tart whined to her friends, which included the two girls who were held at knife point by a perverted former teacher last week.
Silver and her guilty conscious led her to book a girls’ weekend at The Shinning Tree, a yoga retreat in Ojai, where the gang was forced to forfeit their cell phones and sacrifice dead animal skins in the name of spirituality. (If television is a religion then I worship at the temple of CW dramas. What better way to discover your own spirituality than by living vicariously through the shameless endeavors of others, while coveting more than one of their wardrobe staples?) Cue the beginning of Naomi’s glorious fish-out-of-water rants that AnnaLynne McCord delivers so well, the best being: "The only thing I want to get into is a vodka martini and a sexy park ranger." But in all seriousness, the sweat lodge had powers beyond the pores, and her time with Guru Sona helped Naomi reach a true breakthrough. After finally speaking openly about her rape, Naomi decided to embrace her pituitary glands and stay in Ojai for the week (because school can wait), to see how far she could progress. Beverly Hills will never be the same.
While the sweat lodge also helped to unburden Adrianna, Silver literally couldn’t take the heat. Instead, she ran out and into the arms of Navid (I guess that was her deepest desire). Plan Don’t Hurt Adrianna is going really well, and considering Aid is shopping the story of her search and potential reunion with her baby, it’s about to get even better.
Meanwhile, Debbie and Ryan (who looks… younger now that he’s clean-shaven) had their date night interrupted by a seriously hungry Dixon (seconds and thirds might not help your man boob situation), yet both agreed to continue sneaking around. With the recent news of Lori Loughlin and Ryan Eggold’s departure after this season, who wants to start placing bets on how this relationship ends up backfiring?
A few major shopping trips and hours in front of the mirror styling the perfect messy updo, and little Cousin Em was becoming the newest addition to Beverly Hills glitterati. You would like to think these changes to her look (new clothes, new hair color) were simply attempts to fit in with her new surroundings, yet her comfort level around dead animal hide made me think otherwise. No one was thoroughly more creeped out than Annie, who complained that her cousin was actively "Single White Female"-ing her (Or do you mean "Roomate"-ing? Oops, wrong show). Emily cozied up to Naomi and Adrianna during the sweat lodge, and one extended nap later, Annie was suddenly an outsider looking in again.
But things aren't all bad for Annie. Following her discovery that Liam was for her, she maturely ended things with Charlie…while neglecting to mention she played doctor with his half-brother. Poor Charlie was heartbroken and paranoid, yet conveniently had enough time to arrange a semester in Paris, beginning a week later. Things were clearer after Charlie intercepted a text from Liam, which is enough to make you hold off from getting seconds at dinner. Although it looked like the brothers would end up beating one another, deep down Charlie really is a lover, not a fighter—a lover of Annie, and of his own family, no matter what happened in the past. In perhaps an unexpected, genuinely romantic move, Charlie arranged for Liam and Annie to run into one another and affirm their feelings, giving the two his blessing from 36,000 feet in the air.
Are you happy Annie and Liam are finally together? Will Naomi be able to hack it in Ojai for the week? What can we expect next from Creepy Cousin Emily? Will Adrianna get better or worse? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!
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