by Aimee Curran
After last week's "Hellcats," in which every current story line was tied up and squared away, things were looking like they might get boring and, well, normal at Lancer University. Thank goodness Savannah's knocked-up sister, Charlotte, stepped in to save the day by revealing the identity of her baby daddy, carrying us through another week of skin baring dance routines while almost distracting us from Coach Vanessa's emo love life and Wanda's poor motherly ways.
Cue the weekly practice scene where the Hellcats rah, rah, rahing to a new, hip song by Werewolf vs. Unicorn. It's a band Alice discovered that gave exclusive use of the song to the Hellcats for an edge over the other teams. Sweet. After sweating it out with too much boob shaking, Dan pops in to break the news that he secretly applied to Lancer to major in film and he got in! Since Dan is sort of poor, Savannah goes to her parents house with Alice to grab old text books for him to use. Glowing with baby bliss, Charlotte starts showing off her ultrasound pics, talking about the Cyclones making it to nationals and what do you know, suddenly that catchy Werewolf vs. Unicorns song is heard in the background! Why? Well turns out, the Cyclones are practicing in the basement to it! Oh those sneaky musicians, promising exclusivity of one song to two teams!
A verbal fight ensues between Alice and Nasty Cathy, cheer captain of the Cyclones, who drops the bomb that Charlotte's baby daddy, is in fact, Savannah's ex-BF Noah! Whaaaat!! Savannah is pissed and Charlotte tries to explain it away by admitting she's had a crush on Noah since sixth grade. Conception happened after Savannah turned Noah down when he tried to win her back from Dan. Charlotte was the shoulder he cried on and she gave him pity sex. According to Charlotte, it somehow blossomed into love. Wow. In one fell swoop Charlotte scored love, marriage and a baby carriage!
Well, not exactly. When Savannah confronts Noah, he admits he's still in love with her and Savannah shoots him down again. Burn. A couple days later, Savannah tells Charlotte the truth about Noah which obvi leads to a screaming match. Their mom shows up shortly after to tell Savannah that Charlotte broke off the engagement. Her mom finally approves of something Savannah did! Yippie! She's the kind of winner Charlie Sheen would approve of!
Alice and Lewis decide to fight for the song and show up at a Werewolf vs. Unicorn show to lobby the band for exclusive rights to the song. Big shocker, Nasty Cathy is there for the same thing! Let's all take a moment and feign surprise. The band says the two teams need to perform a cheer-off for them to decide who will get to use the song. Two hours later, the teams show up and cheer their hearts out, only to realize the band is a bunch of degenerate pigs. They give the song to the Hellcats based on their sexy outfits. Lewis wants nothing to do with them and tells them to shove it with their song. The team is cool with the decision and Nasty Cathy says the Cyclones don't want it either. The band leaves, Cathy gives her number to Lewis and Alice glowers in a dark corner. Drama brewing! Loves it!
Over in Wanda's world, Travis is set up on the couch playing a stupid song. Marti kind of recognizes it, and Travis tells her it's a song her dad wrote. Marti is dumbfounded and mad that Wanda shared such a personal fact with Travis and not her. Anger rises and out comes all the suppressed animosity she harbors toward ol' Wands. Marti confronts Wanda about sharing family secrets with Travis, being a crap mom and hiding info about her dad from her. Wanda can't hang with a heart-to-heart and peaces out to the movies leaving Marti fuming. Dan and Marti bro down over pizza, and he asks Marti why she didn't push Wanda for more info. Turns out emotional questions drive Wanda to the bottle and Marti can't hang with the guilt of seeing her mom laid up in bed for days after drowning her emotional issues with a serious bender. Marti decides it's better to root through Wanda's closet and takes a suitcase of her dad's back to the dorm. She finds an old hat, pictures and more songs he wrote. Of course Marti dons the hat and starts playing the songs on her guitar. Deep.
Vanessa and Red, happy to be together, are confronted by Wanda and her two cents about Derrick and Vanessa's break up. Awkward! From that point on, Vanessa denies any PDAs from Red saying she doesn't want to look like a slut. Too late. Kidding...sort of. Things are cleared up the next day over coffee and baked goods after Red tells Vanessa she's not evil. Duh. Borrrring! I don't understand the point of their characters.
Unfortunately Hellcats won't be back with new episodes until April 19! Ugh...what are we gonna do?! Watch reruns? Practice our cheer skills? Show more skin? Let the days begin dragging by...
What did you think about last night's "Hellcats"? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!
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