Zack Snyder's fevered action-fantasy film "Sucker Punch," which follows five fierce ladies as they battle otherworldly demon armies and struggle to escape a mental asylum, opens today...and if you wanted to describe our state of mind as "pee-in-your-pantaloons PSYCHED," you wouldn't be wrong! But while we excitedly wait to queue up to see Baby Doll (Emily Browning), Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (Jena Malone), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens) and Amber (Jamie Chung) kicking butts and taking names, we're bringing you an awesome behind-the-scenes look at all the Sucker Punch-ees who didn't make the film's final cut.
(And by "behind-the-scenes look," we mean "completely fabricated shenanigans from the depths of our twisted minds.")
What might a fuller "Sucker Punch" cast have looked like? Which characters got left on the cutting-room floor? Why don't badgers make better superheroes?! Well, gird your loins, and behold the not-quite-up-to-snuff-ness of...
Badger Queen
Endowed with the fighting ferocity of a furious weasel, and dressed in a rakish silver-and-black fur facepiece, Badger Queen's abilities range from biting things and not letting go of them to... well, okay, that's it. Unfortunately, Badger Queen's fighting technique proved ineffective against the First World War artillery of "Sucker Punch," and she was dropped from the cast.
Bathbead
The soft, sensitive girl of the group, the role of Bathbead was written in to please the director's grandmother, and set to be played by Jonah Hill in a dress. The character was cut when test audiences responded poorly to her protracted weeping and inability to facepunch.
Wallflower
In an early attempt to balance the extreme toughness of the "Sucker Punch" girl group, the writers employed a shy, retiring character named Wallflower whose fighting technique involved rapidly fading into the background while everyone else kicked ass. Sadly, Wallflower was lost somewhere in a pile of flaming rubble on the first day of filming and hasn't been seen since.
The Dentist
Clad in a white lab coat and wielding a modified drill as a weapon, The Dentist was the most violent and sadistic member of the "Sucker Punch" fighting team. However, despite her exceptional destructive force, The Dentist was eventually cut from the script when the entire production team concluded that she was "just too damn scary."
Dr. Manhattan
Having grown bored and restless since his stint in "Watchmen," Dr. Manhattan showed up on set and blew 20 stuntmen into sub-atomic bits before anyone realized that he wasn't supposed to be in this movie. He was given a Twinkie and sent home with a stern reprimand not to do it again.
Are you going to see "Sucker Punch" this weekend? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!
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