by Cassie Title
I don't want to write this. Because writing this makes it real. And this is a reality I cannot deal with: "The Vampire Diaries" is done until season three. According to my fervid internet research and informed hypothesizing, I can expect lovely new episodes in September (or around there). Which means that there will be about four months of cold sweats, night terrors and general aimlessness.
Say it with me, friends: Hello, my name is Cassie (well, insert your name) and I'm a "TVD"-aholic. And I’m already going through withdrawal.
Here’s what you need to know about last night’s ffffinale (apologies, typing that was a little rough). Jeremy is Haley Joel Osment. Sheriff Forbes is an idiot. And Damon’s not dead.
OK, great! That’s it. Enjoy the next four months.
Yeah, yeah, I was kidding. I am sucking it up. I am typing through the pain. Here we go.
ALMOST EVERY RIDICULOUS THING THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT ON THIS SHOW THAT’S MAKING ME WAIT FOUR OR SO MONTHS TO WATCH NEW EPISODES:
Bonnie holds a séance to find a cure for Damon’s wolf bite. (You didn’t actually think Damon could die, right?) Emily possesses her body (which is really cool, and totally upsetting that the previews made it look like we’d see her again, when in reality it was just Bonnie). The witches don’t want to help…but Bonnie hears them mention one word:
Klaus Of course! Because he is the answer to EVERYTHING, remember? His blood will cure Damon. Stefan shows that he will do anything for his brother, and gives up his humanity and starts ODing on blood bags. Apparently, Stefan’s ripper rep preceded him (which is pretty cool. I mean, yeah, Stefan’s trying to forget about his preposterous past, but if the most bad-ass vampire of all time has heard about you, that’s still kind of awesome.) Klaus gives Stefan his blood for Damon, but it comes at a hefty price. Stefan must become his wingman, and do everything he says. Including killing that random girl at the end.
Katherine surprises us all by delivering Klaus’ blood to Damon. And when she does so, she catches Damon and Elena, having a beautiful little moment, which requires repetition, verbatim.
Damon: I know you love Stefan, and it’s always going to be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.
Elena: I do.
Damon: You should’ve met me in 1864. You would’ve liked me.
Elena: I like you now. Just the way you are.
And then she kisses him. And it’s magical. Made even more magical by the fact that Katherine finally delivers the line I’ve been waiting for, for like, ever.
Katherine: It’s okay to love them both. I did.
FINALLY! Thank god. I feel so fulfilled knowing that Katherine actually loved Damon. She may be a psychotic, self-centered biatch, but at least she’s not crazy for not loving Ian Somerhalder.
Liz Here, Sheriff Sheriff! What have I told you about your lame and useless story arc? Trying to kill Damon with, I believe, a regular gun (seriously?) was incredibly stupid for a couple reasons, but mostly because he vamp-ran away and you killed Jeremy. WHAT? Yeah. That was bad! Bonnie convenes with the dead witches who resurrect him, but with serious consequences. Jeremy may be alive and kicking, but he’s seeing dead people, "Sixth Sense" style. Because the episode ended with—get this—VICKI. And ANNA! Ho-ly smokes. Hello, vampire ex-girlfriends. Can’t wait to see you guys explain this one, Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson. On the bright side, though, Caroline and Liz had a moment. I guess it takes killing your daughter’s friend to be able to accept her as a vampire.
Elijah Why?! WHYY?! I know you’ll be back, because next year is the year of the Originals. But Klaus stuck that dagger through your heart, and you’re dead. And stupid. For trusting that psycho brother of yours.
Klaus There you are again! Stefan wants to know what Klaus really wants with him. I guess we’ll have to wait until new episodes. But the parallels between Klaus and Elijah and Damon and Stefan are so clear, especially when Stefan is trying to get answers. It was almost like in season one when Damon finally revealed his plan to get Katherine (who was alive! WHAT!) out of the tomb. I’m sensing that Klaus will use Stefan to get Charlotte Petrova back! That would be rad! And kind of unbelievable. But a girl can only hope.
Oh yeah! I’ve got to hand it to the producers to come up with both a) a new town event, considering they’ve all about exhausted them, and b) a perfect backdrop for some flashback action. During the "Gone With the Wind" movie night in the town square, Damon is mixing up memories of Katherine with present-day Elena. I was super-excited for it, but I’ve got to say that I wished there were more and that they brought some kind of new insight. Really, the only good thing about it was that it allowed Elena to become witty. I KNOW! You’re surprised, too, right? Here’s what she said, just so you believe me.
Elena (to Stefan): Look who couldn’t resist an epic romance.
Elena (to Stefan, discussing movie night and how it was supposed to be an escape.) Then we can go back to our previously scheduled drama.
Oh, and Alaric! He’s a walking D.A.R.E. ad. Anyone who watches him will never want to drink. Are we sure he’s not a vampire?
And, that’s all. I can’t bear to think about this episode any longer. I’m done. I’m through with you, "TVD"! It’s over! (That is, of course, until new episodes air, and I’ve had enough time to cope with the separation and all.)
In my time of need, I defer to you, loyal readers. And viewers. How do you feel about the finale? What the heck is going on with Jeremy? Are Anna and Vicki back for good? What does Klaus really want with Stefan? Are you relieved that Damon’s going to live? Did you freak out when Elena kissed Damon? Were you surprised that Klaus killed Elijah (even though you probably shouldn’t be). What’s going to happen with Katherine? What other crazy things do you want to talk about that happened on this show that wants to take away all my joy?
Tell me! We have an entire summer to chat about it. And share coping mechanisms. And heal. And stuff. And no, I’m not at all embarrassed that my happiness depends entirely on a show about vampires.
So talk to me! In the comments, on Twitter, whenever, wherever. We need each other. Or I need you. Same difference.
** Hollywood Crush Twitter