With only two days to go before the "True Blood" season premiere, we're getting antsy for a new round of supernatural drama...but with so many months passed since last season's finale, we're also in need of a refresher course on just what's going on in Bon Temps. And so are you! (Right?) So before the fangs come out to play on Sunday night, we're buckling down for a cram session—the better to remember who's dead, who's undead and where we left off last season.
1. Faerie, faerie, quite contrary
So we finally know the deal with Sookie: She's a faerie! Which explains all the mind-reading, light-blasting and ethereal-orgy-hallucinating that went on last season—and also why she's such a hot prospect for vampire queen Sophie-Anne, since her magic faerie blood serves as a sort of imbibeable sunscreen for the be-fanged. The daylight-loving Sophie wants to drain Sookie like a human slushie; Bill has vowed to fight her to the death in an attempt to keep his ladylove safe. Whether Sookie appreciates Bill's efforts remains to be seen, though. Turns out that Bill was originally sent to Bon Temps to procure Sookie—a revelation for which she promptly dumped him, and their whole relationship has been a lie, and let's also not forget that she's still having super-steamy sex dreams about Eric Northman every other night. UNF.
2. PR nightmares
Russell Edginton ended last season burned, betrayed and buried in concrete—but not before he ripped out the nervous system of an evening news anchor on live national television. Not exactly the family-friendly image that the vampire equal rights movement was going for. When we left off, Nan Flanagan was working overtime on damage control...but after a glimpse of rioting citizens holding "God Hates Fangs" paraphernalia in the season preview, we're looking at an uphill battle.
3. Shifters and grifters
Jason Stackhouse spent most of last season in pursuit of Crystal—a junkyard-dwelling dealer's daughter with a pack of creepy cousins. Well, guess what? They're werepanthers! (Also: there's such a thing as a werepanther!) Crystal gave up her freedom in the season finale to keep Jason safe; she's off to breed more little catpeople with her cousin, leaving Jason responsible for the care of the remaining panther pack. Sam Merlotte, meanwhile, rescued his shapeshifter blood bro Tommy from a life of forced dogfighting, but the family reunion went sour fast; last time we saw him, Sam may or may not have just put a bullet in his brother's fluffy little head.
4. New beginnings
Hoyt and Jessica, who had their ups and downs last season after Jessica came thisclose to sinking her fangs into Hoyt's mom, have reconciled and moved in together. (Best part: the strangely adorable spectacle of Hoyt offering himself up as a willing food source to his blood-hungry girlfriend. Aww!) But it's not all good news: Tara, who spent last season getting repeatedly attacked by vampires and has had it up to here with all this supernatural horse-hockey, has fled town in search of a fang-free life. Yeah...good luck with that.
5. And meanwhile, down at Merlotte's...
As for the rest of the cast, it's pretty much all witches, all the time. The new waitress is a witch! Arlene is still pregnant, having unsuccessfully attempted a miscarriage-by-witchcraft! Lafayette's new boyfriend is a manwitch! And look out, because it's gonna get even witchier; one of this season's main plot arcs involves the arrival of a full-on coven in Bon Temps.
Now that you're caught up on season three, get all the scoop on season four from Bill, Sookie and Eric!
Did we miss any of your favorite plot points from season three? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!
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