Eric and Sookie have taken their make out inside (and a substantial portion of Sook's clothes off!), but it doesn't last long before Bill bursts in and breaks it up like the love-hating fangblocker that he is. Eric, learning that Bill is his king, kneels contritely and calls him "my liege." Bill registers extreme surprise; he and Sookie commence spatting.
"If you ever loved me, you won't hurt him," she whines.
Bill replies, "This is strictly business. Vampire business." As in, sorry Sook, NO FAERIE SLUTS ALLOWED!
Now imprisoned in vampire jail, Eric finds himself sharing a cell with Pam, who is looking rough and melty. She's not a fan of this new-and-improved, gentle amnesiac version of her maker and keeps trying to snap him out of it, but Eric—who's now heard from multiple sources just what an a-hole he used to be—says that he doesn't want to remember his old self.
Meanwhile, Bill informs Nan Flanagan that all necromanced vamps are in custody...and requests permission to stake Eric for the sake of "everyone's safety."
Eric, still super-sweet and sorry, says that he doesn't expect mercy, but maybe Bill could free Pam to go finish decaying in the privacy of her own home? And also, tell Sookie he was born the night she found him and now he knows what love is? And that he can tell they still care about each other, and he's really rooting for the two of them to work it out once he's gone? And...and...can this really be the end of Eric Northman?
Sam I Am
...Well, we'll get back to that. Because Terry and Arlene's house has burned down! Three guesses who's responsible. (Hint: He's out in the yard wearing a soiled diaper, clutching his devil doll and waving at ghostly ladies only he can see.) Andy Bellefleur rages at Sam some more, and Sam phones Tommy to ask him to cover at Merlotte's. Tommy agrees, even though this interrupts his very busy schedule of weepy self-loathing. He heads to the mirror for another round...and we knew this was coming, but it's still certifiably insane when he suddenly has a fit and shifts into Sam.
Which freaks him out for a whole 30 seconds before Tommy's on-again-off-again conscience goes MIA again, and the opportunist gets busy: schmoozing with the ladies, firing Sookie and ruining Sam's relationship all in the span of, like, 15 minutes. And then he shifts back and passes out, just in time for Sam to return and find his little bro, unconscious, in a pool of his own vom. (Pssst. Sam? Just leave him there.)
Witches be going in mouths
Down in Mexico, Jesus' abuelo is peeved at his wayward grandson: "You don't call, you don't write, you only come back when you need me to vanquish something for you!" He tells the boys that they don't even know who their enemy is and a sacrifice is in order; Jesus yanks a rattlesnake out of the grass with his bare hands. And back in Gramps' brujo hut, the old man slices his own arm, yammers about possession and then shoves the rattler into his grandson's face...and then jets, telling Lafayette that it's his job to save his snakebit boyfriend.
And up in Bon Temps, Marnie is carving her own arms, yammering about possession and having Flickerface flashbacks. She sees the young witch being raped by her vampire priest captors, then burned at the stake—but not before she uses her necromancing skillz to force her tormentor into the sunlight! The two are engulfed in flames! And back in Marnie's cell, Flickerface (whose name is actually Antonia) appears. Marnie opens her mouth, and the ghostly young witch turns into black dust and jumps in...
...and since this is apparently a Thing Witches Do, it's no surprise when Lafayette gets mouth-bombed by the ghost of "Tio Luca," who possesses him just long enough to heal Jesus' snakebite and leave everyone super-confused.
Bad moon risin'
Meanwhile, Sookie—who's been looking for some police involvement in this vampire mess—finally finds Jason freaking out about his impending werepanther transformation. He begs Sook to kill him if he turns; she spouts the usual tripe about how it's what you do, not what you are, that defines you. Jason understandably takes the next available opportunity to flee into the woods, where Jessica, sensing his fear, shows up to keep him company. But, she asks, is he turned? For real? Does that even happen?
Good question, Jess! And here come a pair of weres to answer it: Sookie, searching the woods for Jason, encounters Debbie and Alcide on their way to a pack meeting. They've got the skinny on were-stuff, and it's genetic, not viral—a fact that Jason has also figured out, as the moon rises and nothing happens. He confesses to Jessica that he doesn't feel "special" compared to faerie psychic Sookie, and Jessica says are you kidding, you are too special, and there's chemistry flying all over the place, which causes Jason to leap up and excuse himself with a bad case of Noble Guilt.
And that's good, because Sookie is still wandering the woods in search of her brother, and it's about time she found...Eric Northman! Alive, un-staked, and looking for love! And while yes, there's a necessary cut-away to Merciful King Bill looking sad on a porch, it's hard to feel too sorry for him when Sookie and Eric are banging on the forest floor under the full moon. Which, in case you are wondering, is more than adequate for lighting Eric's perfectly-formed Viking vampire butt.
What did you think about last night's "True Blood"? Are you ecstatic Sookie and Eric finally DID IT? Do you feel sorry for Bill? What do you think is brewing between Jessica and Jason? Leave your thoughts and theories in the comments and on Twitter!
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