Class is back in session! And thanks to intrepid McKinley High gossip reporter Jacob Ben Israel, we got a quick status update on our favorite "Glee"sters. First order of business: clearing up who's actually a senior (i.e. headed for a spin-off or unemployment checks) and who still has a year to sing and dance with New Directions. For the record: Finn, Rachel, Kurt and Mike Chang are confirmed seniors. Tina and Artie aren't. (The wheelchair adds a year.)
Further points of clarification: Lauren Zises quit glee, Sam's dad got a new job in a different town, Mercedes is dating a footballer, Santana's modeling her life after her new No. 1 Latina Paula "I'm actually Arab" Abdul, Mr. Schue and Emma are sleeping together (sex not included?) and Quinn is MIA.
With Lauren, Sam and Miss Fabray out of commission, the glee club was in dire need of new voices. Mr. Schue's recruitment strategy? The purple piano project. Yes, with a name like "the purple piano project" this idea was bound for success. Thanks to a generous donation from a Jewish business man, New Directions acquired several gently used pianos, which Mr. Schue slapped lilac-colored paint on and placed strategically throughout the halls. Anytime a glee member saw the piano, they were to burst into jubilant song, encouraging lost bystanders to join in. But the tactic backfired in the school cafeteria, and instead of a room-wide rendition of "We Got the Beat," a food fight broke out. Though the scene did lure one auditioner: the hopelessly tone deaf, self-diagnosed Asperger sufferer Sugar. Next!
Thankfully, Rachel and Kurt won't have to put up with such disregard for long, because they set their sights on New York, Neeeeeeew Yooooork. Juilliard, to be specific. Except, well, Juilliard doesn't have a performing arts program, so Emma suggested the two apply to the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts instead and attend an interested-students session later that week. The duo even prepared quite the rousing number to impress the competition: "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead." But when they arrived at the meeting, they were faced with a slew of Rachel and Kurt facsimiles (including "Glee Project" contestant Lindsay Pearce) who brought the duo to tears (and not in a good way) with their raucous performance of "Anything Goes." A weepy heart-to-heart later, Rachel and Kurt vow to persevere.
Something that will be much easier for Kurt to do now that BLAINE TRANSFERRED TO MCKINLEY HIGH. That's right, Blaine (ne Warbler) turned in his blue blazer to help New Directions on their quest for Nationals domination. He introduced himself to the school by taking over the quad for energetic song-and-dance number "It's Not Unusual." And it all went pretty well, until a purple piano went up in flames, thanks to a little sabotage on the part of the Cheerios and Quinn.
Yep, Quinn came back. But it's Punk Rock Quinn, complete with shocking pink hair, a nose ring and an "erotic" tramp stamp of Ryan Seacrest's mug. Quinn met some new friends over the summer who call themselves "The Skanks," and they're as classy as you'd expect. I expect this transformation to last about one more episode, especially with Idina Menzel returning next week with Quinn's biological daughter in tow...
And in a storyline that I didn't really care too much about, Sue Sylvester ran for an Ohio congressional seat on an anti-arts platform, which Mr. Schue tried to combat with glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. Will, next time, just hack Sue's phone and circulate one of her sexts. That'd be a lot more effective.
Watch Jim Cantiello's musical "Glee"-cap below!
What did you think about last night's "Glee" premiere? Do you think Emma and Will can last? Do you like Quinn's new persona? And were you glad to see Coach Beiste back? Sound off in the comments and on Twitter!
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