by Jessica Marshall
Ahh weddings. The flowers, the aisle, the vows, the bone-crushing hangover from the bachelorette party the night before...
For those of you who have never been to an actual bachelorette party, or those who have but would like to experience one without the nasty day-after side effects, "Bachelorette" hits theaters this week, offering a booze-laden, stripper-tastic night of all the traditional debauchery packed into a 91-minute (nonalcoholic) punch.
In this case, bride-to-be Becky (Rebel Wilson) gets a little more than she bargained for in pre-wedding festivities when she asks three of her old high school chums to serve as bridesmaids. The problem is, those old pals used to make merciless fun of her back in school, and they haven't quite grown up. Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher and Lizzy Caplan star as the trio of maladjusted b'maids who attempt to throw a bachelorette party for Becky that starts out as an innocent night of drinking and male strippers, and spirals out control into an experience that even getting blackout drunk can't make them forget.
So, ahead of getting your party on at the theater, here are five things you should do before seeing "Bachelorette":
Attend a bachelorette party
Whether it's a trip to banana-hammock central, a "guess who brought those panties" party or just a good, old-fashioned girls' night, bachelorette parties are guaranteed fun. And since "Bachelorette" is all about that sacred pre-wedding ritual, it's all the more reason to have one under your belt before seeing it.
Be in a wedding
You will never know the true meaning of friendship and sacrifice that the ladies in "Bachelorette" know until you've been in a wedding. And if you have no friends getting married, just bribe someone to let you into their wedding party. Promise them 24/7 on-call response in the event of a bridal emergency. Promise to clean up the mess of any meltdowns and take those "lap" dances at the batch party to your grave.
Try on a heinous dress
Part of the responsibility of being in a wedding involves taking one for the team. That is, you may be required by Bridezilla to wear a dress in public that, let's just say, you'd like to burn in effigy during a post-wedding bonfire. Even though the b'maids in "Bachelorette" end up wearing cute dresses, we should not delude ourselves about the reality here.
Much like "Bachelorette," the focus of the hit comedy "Bridesmaids" is on the mishaps and
incontinence incompetence of the b'maids. Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Melissa McCarthy (who got an Oscar nod for her hilarious performance) star, and you're not likely to forget their antics, for better or for worse.
"Bachelorette" is the brainchild of writer Leslye Headland, who was previously a staff writer on the short-lived but critically acclaimed FX series, "Terriers," starring Donal Logue and Michael Raymond-James. The show was about an ex-cop and an ex-con who partner to run their own unlicensed private investigation practice. It's a far cry thematically from "Bachelorette," but it will give you an idea of Leslye's comedic style.
BONUS: Get married
Got get 'em, Bridezilla. And choose your wedding party wisely.
Will you be saying "I do" to "Bachelorette" this weekend? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!