You guys, it's such a cold, lonely December here in the streets of poverty-stricken 1850s Paris. Especially when we're on our own—nowhere to turn, no one to go to! Without a home or friend or face to say hello to! The only comfort? There are eligible bachelors all over the place...as you can clearly see in the soon-to-be-released "Les Miserables," which hits theaters like a freight train of ogle-worthy male hotness on Christmas Day.
...Oh, right and there's also some singing and student uprising and something about redemption for the trod-upon victims of society's cruel indifference. But really, primarily, this film is a buffet of good-looking dudes in cravats and trousers and fancy hats. And in order to maximize your viewing pleasure, we've put together this handy guide to the Men of "Les Mis," ranked in order of desirability. Who's on our list? Check it.
5. Monsieur Thenardier
Played by: Sacha Baron Cohen
The grasping innkeeper and caretaker of tiny Cosett is a gangly, vulgar, predatory bastard—even his own wife says as much—but there's no denying that the master of the house has a certain smarmy charm.
Played by: Russell Crowe
You know nothing of Javert! ...Except that he's driven, ambitious, endowed with a deeply felt sense of right and wrong, and looks damn fine in a policeman's uniform (pointy hat and all!). He can put us in cuffs any day.
3. Jean Valjean
Played by: Hugh Jackman
Sure, he's got a checkered past stealing a loaf of bread—and that bald-and-bearded look he sports at the outset of the film is really and truly unfortunate—but we'd happily give our digits to number 24601. Call us!
Played by: Aaron Tveit
The hot-blooded leader of a student group desirous of revolution, Enjolras is the type of guy who'll keep you up until the wee hours with ardent political debate...and then keep you up the rest of the night in, um, other ways.
Played by: Eddie Redmayne
The ultimate "Les Mis" dreamboat, the handsome and sensitive Marius only has eyes for Cosette—but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy elaborate fantasies about being loved by him while wandering the lonely streets of Paris in the rainy dark.
Who's your favorite "Les Mis" heartthrob? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!