by Melissa Albert
This season finale felt oddly small, going out with a whimper instead of a bang. A surprise wedding is had, secrets are revealed and at least one friendship lost, but it looks like the show’s saving the real goods for the season five premiere.
We don’t find out whether Rachel got Fanny Brice, but we do learn the identity of Ryder’s mystery girl: After a half-hearted attempt by Marley to take the fall, Unique steps forward. He disguised his identity from Ryder for obvious reasons, and Ryder, blinded by rage and hurt, coldly tells Unique that he’ll never talk to him again.
But Brittany has the real storyline of the night. She’s taken over for Sue as audience surrogate (calling out Schue for his weird relationship with high schoolers, asking who even cares about the Sue/Schue rivalry anymore), but she has one thing that Sue never did: a hit web show, “Fondue for Two”! It’s a piece of genius “Glee” weirdness that we are glad to see return again and again.
This episode finds her at MIT, where two flabbergasted scientists are trying to crack the code of how someone with a 0.2 grade point average managed to swing near-perfect SAT scores. It turns out that deep within Brittany’s brain lies untapped mathematical genius. After being told she’s got the most brilliant scientific mind since Albert Einstein, she accepts MIT early admission. Oh, how we wish this could be a spin-off show!
Schue and the kids are gearing up for Regionals, and Rachel’s getting ready for the five minutes she’s spent her life planning for: Her final audition for the role of Fanny Brice. She cry-sings Celine Dion’s "To Love You More" to an emotionless room of Broadway pros. And that’s the last we see of her! We expected at least a cliffhanging phone call from the casting director, but instead we’re left completely in the dark.
Blaine asks for Sam’s help in planning his marriage proposal to Kurt—but as far as Kurt’s concerned, they’re not even dating. Blaine’s engagement-ring shopping trip leads to a meet-cute with an older lesbian couple, who, later in the episode, get engaged in front of he and Kurt. Because even though it’s not legal in Ohio, it’s gonna be one day. Good omens for a Klaine wedding!!
Then it’s Regionals time! As always, a lineup of “celebrity” judges (contortionist, disgraced athlete) oversee the competition, which includes the usual redshirts (the Waffle Toots, performing "The Rainbow Connection"), followed by pop dynamo Frida Romero and the Hoosier Daddies.
Frida and her autotuned pipes preside over an army of dudes dressed as waiters, performing "Clarity" and "Wings." The glee kids follow up with "Hall of Fame," song-of-the-moment (five moments ago) "I Love It" and Marley original "All or Nothing."
Aaaand...The New Directions win? Huh. Considering the Hoosier Daddies put on a Vegas-level stage show, we think the deck might’ve been stacked a bit in the favor of Marley and co. But hey: that means that next season, we get to see them going to Nationals in L.A.!
But we promised you a surprise wedding: After the competition, the conspicuously white-dressed Emma shows up with a priest. After four seasons of false starts and long delays, she and Will are finally getting married! Good thing, too, because nobody else would have those weirdos. The last shot of the episode? Blaine’s hand behind his back, holding a little black box.
And that’s it for season four of “Glee”! But because we’re not quite ready to let go, here’s our predictions for season five:
-Rachel gets cast as the understudy for Fanny Brice, so she can spend the whole season clawing her way into the role.
-Brittany stumbles upon an MIT genetics lab, where she accidentally-on-purpose creates a super race of adorable kitten/penguin hybrids.
-Artie gets James Franco to star in his first student film, because that would be so James Franco.
-Marley and Jake go on a date to Breadstix, where they order buttered noodles and ice water. The noodles are slightly cold, an....zzzzzz.
Just four to eights months till we find out if we’re right! Happy off-season to you all!
What did you think of the "Glee" season finale? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!