by Josh Sorokach
Last season's finale left "Glee" fans with more questions than answers. Was Rachel offered the role in "Funny Girl"? Is Blaine going to propose to Kurt? Will Brittany’s MIT obligations get in the way of future "Fondue for Two" episodes? Last night’s premiere, which featured songs from a little known, under-the-radar band named the Beatles, begins and ends with cliffhanger resolutions.
Good news and bad news for Rachel. Good news is she’s going to Broadway! Bad news is she’s going to Broadway to work at a diner with Santana because she wasn’t offered the role of Fanny Brice. A despondent Rachel sings an emotional rendition of the Beatles classic "Yesterday" while strolling through Central Park. On a show prone to extravagant song and dance routines this adeptly subdued musical number was a charming way to begin the season.
Back at McKinley, Artie and Kitty give us something to ship about. Gentleman Artie escorts Kitty through the hallway on his wheelchair prompting her to say: "You’re moving slower than Jonah Hill trying to get out of a bathtub," insulting Artie, wheelchairs, Jonah Hill, and to a certain extent, the lost art of taking a bath in one fell swoop. Kitty certainly has claws.
After singing a little "Drive My Car" while the world’s worst carnival employees ignore the fact that Kitty is riding on the hood of Artie’s BUMPER CAR—you know a car specifically built for ramming—the two run into Cheerio member Bree (spelled with two E’s, not like the funky cheese) who subtly informs Kitty that she totally Instagrammed her date with Artie.
Artie: "She seems nice."
Kitty: "She’s a stone cold bitch and she’s out to destroy me."
Wanting to retain her cool points, Kitty suggests to Artie that they keep their new relationship on the down-low. Aww. How opposite of romantic.
Artie & Kitty Ship Level: Intriguing
Blaine and Kurt take a break from their mid-day picnic to have some chit and a little chat regarding their relationship. Blaine promises to never cheat on Kurt again. We’re not sure if we believe him. It’s one thing to say you’ll never cheat on someone again, but if you really mean it you’ll sing about it with an elaborate song and dance routine.
We’re in luck!
Blaine and Kurt perform a spectacular version of "Got to Get You into My Life" with the school marching band while dancing on various lunch tables. You may think that it’s unsanitary to have footwear all over the surface of a table where hundreds of people eat on a daily basis, but it’s not as long as you’re in love! Blaine and Kurt end their rocking performance with a kiss.
Back inside McKinley High, Sue’s back...as the principal! What the what? Sue broke into Principal Figgins’ office and planted copious amounts of evidence to assure his termination.
Sue: “Do I feel guilty about what I did? Not at all. Jesus said it best: the ends justify the means.”
Back in the choir room Blaine (sans bowtie?!) announces that he and Kurt are back together, and he’s going to ask for his hand in marriage.
Blaine: “Honestly if we can get a bunch of cutthroat show choirs to stand side-by-side and unite in something then anything is possible.”
The glee club, with some assistance from the Beatles song "Help," convince the rival glee clubs to, well, help with Blaine’s marriage proposal and, if Blaine’s previous speech is accurate, perhaps usher in a new era of world peace.
Back at McKinley, Sue, Will and Roz partake in a conversation completely devoid of singing. Sue informs her new subordinates that if they fail to bring home a national championship they’ll be fired.
Sue & Power Ship Level: Through the roof!
Worried about Tina’s deteriorating attitude, Blaine attempts to make her feel better by performing a black and white rendition of "I Saw Her Standing There" with Sam, Jake and Ryder. This may have been a more effective gesture if this wasn’t his second or third elaborate song of the day. Tina surprisingly finds Blaine’s token of friendship adorable. Blaine, we can’t say we always understand your logic, but we can’t argue with the results.
And then came the moment Klaine fans have been waiting for: the proposal! Blaine, with assistance from quite possibly every glee club in the greater Ohio area, sings "All You Need Is Love" as rose pedals fall on an emotionally overwhelmed Kurt.
Blaine: “It always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if in every lifetime you and I have ever lived we have chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over, for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime.”
Kurt accepts Blaine’s proposal as we excuse ourselves from our "Glee" viewing party because we “have something in our eye.”
A romantic, emotive end to an entertaining premiere episode from "Glee."
Quote of the episode: Sue to Will: “However if you fail to win at nationals I will fire you and you’ll be forced to build creepy relationships with teenagers on your own time.”
Songs of the episode: "Got to Get You into My Life" and “Yesterday”
Additional songs: “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away” by Artie and Kitty, “Hard Days’ Night” by Rachel and Santana
Episode MVP: Kitty, Sue, Blaine, Blaine’s logic
What did you think of last night's "Glee" premiere? Are you feeling Artie and Kitty? Tell us everything in the comments and on Twitter!