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Despite what you may have heard, life after death is not an endless heavenly party where everyone wears white silk, sits on clouds and eats endless scoops of gelato while the ghosts of Amy Winehouse and Frank Sinatra tirelessly perform their greatest hits. NOPE. Instead, the afterlife is a sad, strange place where the dead are condemned to roam around in office buildings, wearing cast-off chiffon hoodies and insulting the size of people's genitals.

...Or so it would seem, thanks to this insightful After Hours dispatch from the land of the dead, featuring the ghost of Bill Hader. After stopping in for a visit at MTV's offices only to be accidentally slain by our own Josh Horowitz and his grody shellfish meatballs, Bill comes back with a few choice complaints about how much it sucks to be dead. (The primary source of angst: "I can't have sex. I can't eat cheeseburgers. I can't have sex with cheeseburgers." Man, that is awful!) Disconsolate and doomed to haunt Josh forever, Bill embarks on a campaign of terror that mostly involves throwing paper around and making snarky videoblogs for his fellow ghosts. It's an ignominious end for one of the greatest comedians of our generation, and it makes us sad. This might actually be the most upsetting After Hours ever made.

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Catching Fire soundtrackThe companion soundtrack to "The Hunger Games" set a high bar back in 2012—as evidenced by the fact that we've had "Safe & Sound" stuck in our collective heads going on 18 months, now —and let's be honest, it seemed impossible that "Catching Fire" could meet such an outrageous standard for musical excellent. But with the track listing for the sequel's soundtrack just released...well, preliminary assessment? This collection has the potential to rival, if not exceed, the awesomeness of its predecessor.

As with the first film's soundtrack, the studio has tapped a vast array of established stars and indie darlings to make music for the movie, featuring songs by bands ranging from Imagine Dragons to the Lumineers to Antony and the Johnsons, plus solo artists including Christina Aguilera, Lorde and Patti Smith. Check out the tracklisting, and start placing your bets on which of these songs will be featured during the Katniss/Peeta Victory Tour, which one will play as they battle it out in the Quarter Quell arena and which one Enobaria likes to listen to while she files her teeth into spiky little points of death.

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Phoebe Tonkin Paul WesleyHas a wayward Cupid gone rogue on the set of "The Vampire Diaries"? After yesterday's news that Nina Dobrev has been getting cozy with choreographer Derek Hough, the folks over at Us Weekly have reports that her costar, Paul Wesley, is deep into a romance with former co-star Phoebe Tonkin.

Phoebe has just jumped ship on "TVD" to star in spin-off series "The Originals," but she had plenty of time to get to know Paul during her recurring stint on the first show (not to mention the two series film in Atlanta). And Paul is newly single after splitting this summer from his wife, Torrey DeVitto; the pair had been married since 2011, and she's also had a small role on "The Vampire Diaries."

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There are 57 days left until "Catching Fire" hits theaters! And you know what that means: It's time to start counting down 'til the big premiere (in the classic manner of "Major League"), by peeling little jigsaw-puzzle pieces of clothing off of a life-sized cardboard cutout of Finnick Odair every day, so that he'll be fully nude come November 22! ...Oh, and it also means that brand new glimpses at the movie are making their way onto the internet, where we can ooh and ahh over them to our little hearts' content. In short, we've added a whopping 20 new images from the film our gallery of stills. Exciting!

Needless to say, those early drool-worthy shots of Sam Claflin as Finnick are still there for your viewing pleasure—but there's also much more, including several pics of the Tributes in training for the Quarter Quell, a handful of new Effie Trinket ensembles to make the Capitol fashionistas go crazy, Katniss in a variety of Victory Tour shots and one truly glamorous photo of Stanley Tucci as Caesar Flickerman with a sky-high lilac pompadour. (Hairspiration, anyone?) Go on, take a gander! But then come right back, because we're peeling the jigsaw piece off Finnick's left bicep and you must be here to witness it.

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Nina Dobrev Derek HoughThis is the cutest news ever, and here's hoping it doesn't get weird: According to E! Online, Nina Dobrev is officially hooked up with a brand new beau. The guy in question? Derek Hough, the Emmy award-winning choreographer and "Dancing with the Stars" champ—and also, as you might have surmised, the brother of her very best ladyfriend Julianne.

Nina and Julianne hang out all the time, so it would've been a no-brainer for the "Vampire Diaries" star to meet her friend's family...and then make out with them, like you do. Although neither Nina nor Derek has personally confirmed that they're an item, E! has the ever-loose-tongued "sources" to rely on, and Nina's Instagram feed (in which she's been posting lots of gushy congrats to Derek on his Emmy win) suggests that there could be love in the air. Also, it's basically a rule when you date your best friend's brother that you have to get married, so if this business results in a whirlwind romance and a big honking engagement ring, we totally called it.

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Harrison GilbertsonWith a title like "Fallen," you know that the film based on Lauren Kate's YA series is going to have some angelic overtones...and when it comes to casting its leading men, we're gonna need some seriously heavenly hotness to round out the roster, here. Sooooo, no surprise to find out that dimpled cutie-pie Harrison Gilbertson is officially on board the film as the story's resident irresistible bad boy. The author posted the news herself this morning, prompting much sinful speculation on the part of the "Fallen" fandom.

Harrison might not be a familiar face to American audiences, but he's done a lot of work both big and small-screen in his native Australia—including rubbing shoulders with the all-star cast of "The Turning" this year. (There are, like, a dozen "Lord of the Rings" alumni in that one.)

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What happens after that "happy dagger" finds its rusty sheath in the doomed guts of one Juliet Capulet? Everyone into the hot tub, that's what! Last night marked the big premiere of "Romeo and Juliet," starring Douglas Booth and Hailee Steinfeld as the film's titular teenage lovers—and after a well-received screening of Shakespeare's tale of romantic drama, deaths and double suicide, the real fun started in earnest with everyone looking lovely (and very much alive).

The afterparty was a who's who of young Hollywood A-listers: Hailee and Douglas, Kodi Smit-McPhee and Ed Westwick. There was even a surprise appearance by Taylor Swift, who showed up in a cream-colored floral frock and cozied up to Hailee for a glamorous selfie.

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The "Divergent" movie is creeping ever closer to its release date, which makes this the perfect time for Hollywood to deliver some buzzy promo bits, the better to whip all the fans of the series into a rabid, frothing frenzy. And after getting an eyeful of Four's bare inky back in one of two new posters, rabid frothing is definitely the name of the game. (Holy latissimus, that's a gorgeous landscape of manmeat.)

The new promo posters are high-drama shots of Tris and Four, highlighting the tattoos that each of them sport as members of the Dauntless faction. And in a new behind the scenes video, Shailene Woodley, Kate Winslet and Theo James are sharing some insights into the "Divergent" world, where not fitting in to one of the society's single value-based factions makes you a dangerous threat to the status quo that must be eradicated. Shailene plays Tris, who discovers that she's one of said targets—and whose survival depends on eluding the smart, sinister overlord who wants to wipe out her kind.

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As fun as it was to catch up with Sarah Hyland at last night's Emmy Awards, it's not really TV we want to talk about with the "Modern Family" actress. NOPE. 'Cause the role we're all waiting to see her play isn't some small-screen business; it's the big, bloody, beeeeeaauutiful part of Natalie Dashkov, unassuming member of the St. Vladimir's student body, in "Vampire Academy."

Fortunately, it turns out that Sarah is as psyched about the film as we are—and just as invested in seeing a movie that's faithful to its source material. After confessing to being an avid member of the Harry Potter fandom, the actress talked about the difficulties in adapting a much-loved literary series for the big screen without losing anything essential in translation...especially when, as far as fans are concerned, it's all essential.

"There’s always going to be something that’s missing," she told VH1 on the red carpet, "but 'Vampire Academy' actually stays really true to the book."

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The shirtless boys of summer are all gone back to school—and good riddance, because there's a whole new class of fine-looking gentlemen who need your attention right now. Yep, we're talking about the fresh crop of faces on this year's new fall shows, which feature the nicest collection of sexy men you've never seen before. And if you're looking to pick a favorite, may we suggest you choose from this list of five definitive hotties? With men like these to snuggle up with during primetime, you won't need to leave your house until spring.

The man: Charles Michael Davis, 34
The show: "The Originals" on The CW
The role: Marcel, the HVIC (hot vampire in charge) of New Orleans
The random bit of trivia that makes him that much more interesting: CMD got his start as a model in ad campaigns for Foot Locker and Nike, which tells you all you need to know about the qualities of his physique.

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