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by Cassie Title

FYI: If you ever find yourself sitting down, maybe gazing out a window, wondering where you can find a 100-year-plus unofficial (but fairly official) ruler of a supernatural city such as New Orleans, never fear. Where could this man be, you ask? Why, karaokeing in a happenin' bar at some random hour during the day, of course!

The aforementioned man could be Marcel, the as-of-last-episode infamous (?) protégé of our buddy Klaus. Once a ragamuffin, orphaned street urchin, this lad remade himself in Klaus' image. Except, he’s Klaus 2.0: the charismatic, brutal, and Machiavellian man we know and (secretly) love, but with actual friends. Like, loyal people that are not compelled. Who do his bidding and LIKE him! Seriously—he’s Klaus but beloved! What a strange and brilliant idea to create a mirror of Klaus that people like. And the tension has already begun: As Klaus now famously said, Marcel has everything he’s ever wanted: power, loyalty, family. And now our man wants what he has. But, instead of being a normal person and trying to get it by being cool and earning it, Klaus is going to try and take it away from Marcel. ‘Cause, like, Klaus built this city (on rock ‘n’ roll. Just kidding, I couldn't resist...) So now it’s time for him to take back the reins, and reign. Lame puns intended.

And now, a list of high notes. ‘Cause it took place in New Orleans. And you associate that with jazz. And music. GET IT?

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Gleeby Melissa Albert

All this season, "Glee" has been presenting a seriously warped vision of life after high school: Santana went to college for a while, got bored, then dropped out; Mercedes chucked it in for life in a West Coast recording studio; Puck...is still working on his screenplay; and absolutely every graduate is on constant call to appear back at McKinley, if you just click your heels together and say their name twice.

So it’s refreshing when Finn experiences something that resembles actual college life. He enrolls to get his teaching degree and moves into a freshman dorm, where he appears in Harlem Shake videos, sweet talks girls into taking off their tops and bros up with an ever-resilient Puckerman, who has finally figured out that the girls get easier when you leave high school.

Then Schue shows up. Regionals are fast approaching (aren’t they always?), and he can’t handle the pressure without Finn by his side. But Finn’s not having it. “As you can see, I’m pretty busy with college,” he says smarmily, before ripping off his shirt and jetting down a slip ‘n’ slide.

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Vampire Diariesby Cassie Title

It may seem at first thought, that Elena almost killing April, or Elena almost killing Bonnie, or Bonnie almost killing Elena (are you sensing a pattern here?) were the craziest events to have taken place at the Mystic Falls High School prom. But I have some other ideas. What I’m finding to be the craziest things are:

-April’s oh-so-important position of tallying the votes for prom king and queen, or better yet, April’s appearance at all.

-Bonnie being voted prom queen. Apologies, guys, but Bonnie hasn’t been cool since the pilot episode, when she was silly and loyal and, well, fun. Ever since, she’s been angsty, but not in a cool, Damon way, and irritating, and, well, to put it in the words of humanity-less Elena: a brainwashed crazy person. When she’s even in an episode, which is admittedly rare, she has such hate in her voice and her eyes that I’m convinced she’s secretly evil. I get the girl’s got a lot going on (her Grams died, she continues to fall for evil guys trying to use her, she’s got tons of dark magic that she can’t control), but there’s no way that anybody would vote for such a gloomy, annoying gal.

-The fact that the prom was at some gorgeous, fancy estate. I was thinking they’d add another school-sanctioned chaperone-less party in the woods or at Tyler’s house.

All in all, though, it was a pretty rad dance. And episode. Here’s why:

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Gleeby Melissa Albert

The kids are in the choir room when the shooting begins.

Now there’s a sentence you never thought you’d read in a "Glee" recap. But let’s start at the beginning: brilliant meteorologist Brittany S. Pierce warns the glee club that a meteor is on its way to destroy the earth, which mainly leads to concerns over whether angels can have sex.

Though the meteor Brittany spotted later turns out to be a dead bug on the lens of her telescope, which turns out to be a Pringles can, it still inspires Schue to make the lesson of the week “last songs.” He asks the kids to think about the things they’d do if they were living their last few days on earth.

Ryder’s inspired to approach Katie, his secret internet girlfriend, after he spots her walking around the halls of McKinley. He sweeps her off her feet with Elton John’s "Your Song," but whoops! While she is, in fact, the girl pictured on Katie’s online profile, she’s not the person Ryder’s been pouring his heart out to. Has Ryder been Catfished? He’s heartbroken, but agrees via text to meet “Katie” the next afternoon outside the choir room.

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Vampire Diariesby Cassie Title

Sometimes, when you’re looking for a 500-year-old vampire who can hide and scheme like nobody’s business, you find her, fairly easily, in a town not dissimilar from "Pretty Little Liars"' Rosewood. (It looked almost exactly the same! Same set, mayhaps?) That’s pretty much what happened when Elena and Rebekah went searching for the "The Legend That Is" Katherine Pierce. They checked a bunch of towns, found nothing, and then Elena had what I’m going to chalk up to some weird doppelganger telekinesis thing, not unlike twin telepathy, in what Damon later called "Hicktown, PA," and while Rebekah wanted to get on the road, Elena insisted on stopping for a snack.

And when she did, she found that a random towns-person knew her. And by her, we mean Katherine. "Conniving little bitch compelled the whole town!" Rebekah exclaimed. And it was true. Katherine was holing up in Rosewood, or Lot 62, or whatever it’s really called, and she was drinking from everybody, and she compelled everyone to forget about her unless she was directly talking to them. Pretty smart, eh? Except this chick wasn’t talking to Katherine, she was talking to Elena! And obviously they are the same person in real life, but don’t you kind of wish compulsion didn’t work in a facial recognition kind of way? Like, just the fact that Elena was not Katherine would somehow affect Katherine’s compulsion? Yeah, would probably get too confusing for plot points and showrunning and such.

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by Melissa Albert

This week, the "Glee" kids reveal the embarrassing stuff that makes them tick. No Schue, no Finn, no Emma and (almost) no tears: best episode of the season!

Turns out Sam’s an outsider artist, whose weirdly good macaroni portraits (of such luminaries as Emma Stone, Kurt Hummel and the guys from Duck Dynasty) inspire this week’s theme: musical guilty pleasures.

But Blaine’s real guilty pleasure is Sam...he means Wham! It’s Wham!, of course. HE SAID WHAM! Just to prove the point, he and the club perform "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" in full '80s gear, but it’s hard to see anything over the glare of white Reeboks.

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Vampire Diariesby Cassie Title

Because the night has me singing (see what I did there?!), it’s taken me until midnight to get started on this recap. But I've had some time to mull things over, allowing me to choose the single, most important revelation of the night. Drum roll, please!

(I didn’t hear it. Did you roll the drums? Weird.)

Flashbacks are an excuse to see how many time periods the costume designers can sneak leather jackets into. I’m serious. The year 1977 is no exception; in fact, the only exception is 1864 and shortly thereafter. You’ll remember that they even put in a leather jacket for Klaus in 1492 England, which is just batsh-t crazy. I know we’ve talked about this before, but I feel it's been lacking from the conversation lately. (Probably because we’ve been thinking about, oh, the cure for vampirism and Elena turning off her humanity and Bonnie attempting to murder 12 more people and let loose all supernatural dead beings into the world, or whatever.) But it’s time.

Now, I love a good flashback as much as anybody, but this New York, 1977 one, except for a few details, could very well have been 2013, New York. And I think that’s a mistake. Yes, there were some cool details; (apparently, The Factory and Andy Warhol’s crazy Superstars were “too clean," which is a laugh, for Damon; Damon hung out in a punk bar around the time of the Sex Pistols’ rise to fame, which partially explains the leather jackets and the absence of bell bottoms), but besides the fact that it was fairly recent, there was no need for it to have been in 1977. I wish they had made that more purposeful, because I would’ve liked it so much.

So, now for the important, lovely, and wonderful things that occurred on tonight’s episode, in no particular order:

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It was a true first for a "Pretty Little Liars" finale: instead of a death, we witnessed not one but two resurrections...of sorts. Now, we had a hunch Red Coat might be a long-lost Rosewood resident, but the reveal was shocking, nonetheless.

The episode began with Spencer returning home from Radley, complete with tea party welcome from her family and the little liars. And it was all so educational: We learned the difference between English muffins and crumpets and that the Hastings were planning to throw Spencer a bona fide welcome back party after her stay at the institution for exhaustion. (How very Hollywood!)

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GirlsSorry, Q-tip enthusiasts. Your favorite brand of cotton swabs did not make a repeat appearance in the season two finale of "Girls." But that's not to say the lasting effects of their interloping weren't on full (gaudy) display.

The episode opens with everyone in bed. Not the same bed, of course. Hannah (still pitifully wearing her hospital bracelet) sits under the covers with her laptop, attempting to work on the pages she owes her editor. But, instead, she falls into a Google rabbit hole, researching everything from ruptured ear drums to the age your body starts melting down. Then come the eights. Then a call from editor David.

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Gleeby Melissa Albert

"Glee" went a shade darker this week, taking a (only somewhat shiny) look at sex work and dabbling in a storyline that’s got "internet predator" written all over it. Not to say that there weren’t mash-ups!

Last week, Finn came clean to Mr. Schue about his kiss with Emma. Schue responds to this epic betrayal by making Finn into his flunky, treating him like Anna Wintour treats a 22-year-old fashion intern.

Finally, Artie calls a summit to discuss. Shocker, everyone: Finn and Schue must work out their tensions through song, playing into this week’s glee club theme: epic musical feuds! Because according to Schue, “sorry won’t cut it.” That's right—an inconsequential singing contest is the only apology he’ll accept.

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