by Ryan Downey
You’d think after how things turned out for his character on "Lost," Ian Somerhalder would know better than to go cavorting about on remote islands. Of course, Damon Salvatore was a reluctant participant in the little expedition led by Professor Shane as most of the gang set off to unlock Silas. We learned that Damon doesn’t want the cure for himself (sorry, Elena!), Stefan does (shoulda guessed that one, Elena) and Klaus is still carrying a torch for Caroline, even as he very nearly killed her.
Damon squeezed out a bit more of Shane’s overall machinations via some interrogation that would make Dick Cheney proud, but the episode ended with the senior Salvatore laying in the woods with a broken neck at the hands of a hunter.
Bonus points to "The Vampire Diaries." writing team for naming this episode after a cool contemporary movie; last week’s "A View to a Kill" shared a name with a semi-awesome ‘80s James Bond flick (and accompanying Duran Duran theme song), which was apropos given Stefan and Rebekah’s bodacious dance to the The Cure.
Speaking of Rebekah, one of the episode’s biggest moments was when she broke down and declared, “We’re all screwed.” But we’re getting ahead of ourselves...
by Melissa Albert
This episode reminds us why Klaine (RIP) was such an unstoppable force of awesome: because even on their own, Kurt and Blaine are the best characters on "Glee." This week, Kurt uses his skillz to deflate Rachel's overdrive ego, and Blaine, well...he had a bad cold. But he still manages to inspire Tina—who has played second fiddle for three and a half seasons—to finally access her inner diva.
Kurt, on the other hand, has to force Rachel's not-so-inner diva back into its box. Since her victory at the Winter Showcase, she’s been treating him like an assistant and surrounding herself with bitchy sycophants. Kurt approaches this problem as only an undergrad at a performing academy could: by challenging Rachel to step to him at Midnight Madness, a late-night sing-off where NYADA students settle their disputes.
"Pretty Little Liars" executive producer I. Marlene King made us a promise late last year: We would soon learn the significance behind "red is the new black." And she made good on her word with last night's twisty "Dead to Me."
Spencer had been coming undone ever since she learned that Toby was part of the A Team, and her downward spiral continued, as she gruffly turned down Jason's request to attend Ali's re-interring ceremony. The other liars obliged, albeit apprehensively. You see, Jason had been talking to the police, who said the the trinkets Ali was buried with were still missing; find the items and find the grave-robber. Except, we know A returned several of the pieces (including Aria's earrings and Hanna's Ouija board planchette) already, setting the girls up to take the fall. In fact, A had 25 chances to frame Emily, seeing as she left more than two dozen post cards in Ali's coffin. One just happened to turn up among Emily's mom's things. (I still can't get over how weird it is that Mrs. Fields got a job a the police station.)
Far be it from me to tell you how to do your job, "Girls" writers, but I think "Homeless" would have been a more fitting title for last night's episode, as a whopping three characters found themselves without a roof over their heads.
First was Eljah. As coked-up Hannah threatened, her roommate received his walking papers after admitting to his short-lived sexual dalliance with Marnie. "I made a mistake trying to re-purpose you," Hannah told him. "Re-purpose me? I'm not a vintage cardigan!" Elijah huffed. Perhaps not, but he was good for an apartment-full of furniture, as his ex George told Hannah to keep all of the decor he bought for the place.
The furnishings certainly came in handy when Hannah decided to spend her JazzHate earnings on a dinner party for her closest friends...including Charlie, his mustard-making girlfriend Audrey and Marnie. (To be fair, Hannah didn't think Marnie would actually show after her major betrayal.) And, as we all could have predicted, the fete was an awkward mess, culminating in sex-toy talk, which Audrey somehow co-opted to air her dirty feelings about Marnie, sending Charlie's ex fleeing to the roof.
by Melissa Albert
The glee kids strip down in this week's episode, both figuratively and literally (but mostly literally). After the Warblers test positive for performance enhancing drugs, the New Directions are ready to re-compete for sectionals victory. The only way to raise bus money? Creating a Sexy Men of McKinley calendar!
But first, in the most surreal "Glee" sequence since Dentist Uncle Jesse gave the kids laughing gas, Marley appears on Brittany’s after-school talk show, "Fondue for Two." Among other, more interesting revelations (Marley is a pet psychic! Brittany’s cat has an online gambling addiction!), Marley admits that she's in love with Jake.
Planning to tell him, she lures him to the empty auditorium, where they sing Christina Perri’s "A Thousand Years." Then she turns to him and says, "I love...this song." Marley love LAMP. Marley love STAGE. Nope, she just can’t spit it out.
by Cassie Title
Well, folks, we’re one step closer to the cure. It all seemed a bit too easy, but considering our show is set in the falling-apart Mystic Falls, the gods were probably just trying to cut our characters some slack.
Damon was still locked up; as long as Kol was kickin’ it, Damon was compelled to kill Jeremy, which would've been disastrous for teenage girls everywhere.
You’ll remember from last week's episode that Elena came up with a brilliant plan: Jeremy was going to kill Kol. Seriously. That was her plan. He’d only have to kill one person, and then every vampire that had stemmed from him would die. Assuming there were as many as we thought there were, the deaths would complete Jeremy’s mark. And, Jeremy would stay alive.
If you're keeping score at home, we've now seen two of the four "Girls" get high on cocaine during our few short episodes together. (And let's be honest, Jessa probably did a line or two when we weren't looking...) As gimmicky as the conceit seems, I have to admit these two drug-induced eps are among my favorites so far.
Hannah lands a meeting with JazzHate editor Jame (a total poor woman's Jane Pratt), who offers the fledgling freelancer $200 for a personal experience essay involving either a threesome or a coke bender. Seeing as Hannah has a hard time focusing on even one other person during sex, she settles for the latter.
by Melissa Albert
"Glee" went high road/low road last night, making Tina a proud crusader for female empowerment while turning Kitty into a pint-sized sexual predator. "Glee," why do you save all your nuanced writing for Kurt?
When Tina and the other bitter single girls of McKinley vote to throw a Sadie Hawkins dance, Finn’s inspired to make it ladies’ choice week in glee club: every girl dedicates a song to the lucky lad of her choice.
Poor, misguided Tina sings "I Don’t Know How to Love Him" to...Blaine?!?! Didn’t we cover the straight girl/gay guy plotline in season one, when Mercedes crushed impossibly on Kurt? Unlike then-closeted Kurt, Blaine has the guts to turn Tina down flat when she asks him to the dance.
by Cassie Title
To answer your biggest question of the evening: Yes, Shane doubles as a yoga instructor. (Oh. That wasn’t on your radar? Hm.) There can be no other reason for why he told Bonnie the following: "Just because you close your eyes doesn’t mean you’re meditating. Breathe." Because if he isn’t a yogi, I don’t know why he’d ever think such words should be uttered from his mouth.
Anyway, your second biggest question concerning the episode must have been whether Leonardo DiCaprio guest starred. Unfortunately, the answer is no. The title was not a reference to his film of the same name. It was merely referring to the fact that people were chasing each other. Which is not grounds for episode title prizes. (Just saying.)
Do you hear that? It's the sound of a million Spoby shippers blubbering into their Cap'n Crunch this morning following last night's heart-wrenching "Pretty Little Liars." As promised, Spencer discovered her boyfriend's dAstArdly secret—and on the couple's anniversary, no less!
Let's go back to the beginning: Aria's flu seemed to have gotten worse, as her skin tone was somewhere between Casper-the-Friendly-Ghost White and Hulk-Smash Green. With her dad away at a conference, she was left in the hands of Meredith and her cure-all tea, as the liars had other errands to tend to.
Hanna, for one, was busying fancying herself up for an internship interview with "the hottest designer in Philadelphia" (is that a particularly coveted title?) named Corin. Caleb was over at the Marins' finishing his homework as she dressed, when Hanna overheard a mysterious phone conversation he had regarding stopping Mona. Concerned that Toby might put himself in harm's way, Hanna asked Emily to follow Caleb after school to see what he was up to. And it was colluding with Paige—something Emily failed to discover, though, as she left before she could see who Caleb was meeting with. The second-coming of Nancy Drew, she is not.