If you're keeping score at home, we've now seen two of the four "Girls" get high on cocaine during our few short episodes together. (And let's be honest, Jessa probably did a line or two when we weren't looking...) As gimmicky as the conceit seems, I have to admit these two drug-induced eps are among my favorites so far.
Hannah lands a meeting with JazzHate editor Jame (a total poor woman's Jane Pratt), who offers the fledgling freelancer $200 for a personal experience essay involving either a threesome or a coke bender. Seeing as Hannah has a hard time focusing on even one other person during sex, she settles for the latter.
by Melissa Albert
"Glee" went high road/low road last night, making Tina a proud crusader for female empowerment while turning Kitty into a pint-sized sexual predator. "Glee," why do you save all your nuanced writing for Kurt?
When Tina and the other bitter single girls of McKinley vote to throw a Sadie Hawkins dance, Finn’s inspired to make it ladies’ choice week in glee club: every girl dedicates a song to the lucky lad of her choice.
Poor, misguided Tina sings "I Don’t Know How to Love Him" to...Blaine?!?! Didn’t we cover the straight girl/gay guy plotline in season one, when Mercedes crushed impossibly on Kurt? Unlike then-closeted Kurt, Blaine has the guts to turn Tina down flat when she asks him to the dance.
by Cassie Title
To answer your biggest question of the evening: Yes, Shane doubles as a yoga instructor. (Oh. That wasn’t on your radar? Hm.) There can be no other reason for why he told Bonnie the following: "Just because you close your eyes doesn’t mean you’re meditating. Breathe." Because if he isn’t a yogi, I don’t know why he’d ever think such words should be uttered from his mouth.
Anyway, your second biggest question concerning the episode must have been whether Leonardo DiCaprio guest starred. Unfortunately, the answer is no. The title was not a reference to his film of the same name. It was merely referring to the fact that people were chasing each other. Which is not grounds for episode title prizes. (Just saying.)
Do you hear that? It's the sound of a million Spoby shippers blubbering into their Cap'n Crunch this morning following last night's heart-wrenching "Pretty Little Liars." As promised, Spencer discovered her boyfriend's dAstArdly secret—and on the couple's anniversary, no less!
Let's go back to the beginning: Aria's flu seemed to have gotten worse, as her skin tone was somewhere between Casper-the-Friendly-Ghost White and Hulk-Smash Green. With her dad away at a conference, she was left in the hands of Meredith and her cure-all tea, as the liars had other errands to tend to.
Hanna, for one, was busying fancying herself up for an internship interview with "the hottest designer in Philadelphia" (is that a particularly coveted title?) named Corin. Caleb was over at the Marins' finishing his homework as she dressed, when Hanna overheard a mysterious phone conversation he had regarding stopping Mona. Concerned that Toby might put himself in harm's way, Hanna asked Emily to follow Caleb after school to see what he was up to. And it was colluding with Paige—something Emily failed to discover, though, as she left before she could see who Caleb was meeting with. The second-coming of Nancy Drew, she is not.
by Cassie Title
It's funny that last night's "Vampire Diaries" episode was titled "After School Special," because that's what I've been calling basically all of the episodes this season. But this post-hiatus return was a good sign; instead of the overly sappy, overly righteous characters and plotlines and motivations we were getting before, we got tight, well-paced plotlines that set up for future (hopefully exciting) developments. In fact, I didn't even mind this recap-reset-get-ready-plot-oriented episode (because, as you know, I hate all episodes that don’t involve flashbacks and character development and Originals, which is why I’m SO. BEYOND. EXCITED. for the potential Originals spin-off).
And that was mainly because of:
In the words of Golden Globe-winner Lena Dunham: Thank you Chad Lowe...for being so creepy! Ever since we learned during the Halloween episode that Aria's dear old dad met with Ali the night of her disappearance, he's been acting increasingly suspicious (and guilty). Byron tries smoothing things over with Aria, apologizing for believing she had anything to do with the shed fire that hurt Meredith, but Aria isn't exactly warming up to him.
Meanwhile, under the cover of darkness at Rosewood High, Spencer, Hanna and Emily are sneaking back into Creepy's Closet to retrieve Ali's diary—except all of his belongings are gone and the girls aren't alone. A hooded black figure runs out of the room, but no one get a good look at him/her. They spot the diary, or what they think is the diary, opening it to reveal a note from A: "Keep moving, ladies. Nothing to see here."
Don't fret: Hannah Horvath isn't still wandering the beaches of Coney Island, purse-less and noshing on stale wedding cake. In fact, recalling "Girls"' series premiere, Hannah's snuggled up in bed with her roommate. But instead of high-strung Marnie, it's former BF Elijah..who has a stiff one (but not for her).
Shoshanna, on the other hand, has apparently been sleeping alone, as we find her in the midst of spiritually cleansing her apartment, thanking the higher powers for her fast-growing hair and requesting Ray's ruin. Clearly, her crack spirit guide has led her astray.
Unbeknownst to Marnie, she's on a last-hurrah luncheon with her boss from the gallery. She's being down-sized (not fired!). But it's totally okay, because gorgeous, smart people always bounce back...right?
Much like menacing Mona, the title of last night's "Pretty Little Liars" winter premiere is not to be trusted—because not even two minutes into the episode, the recently released rabble-rouser creepily sneaks into Hanna's room in the middle of the night like some vampiric love interest, confirming that she most certainly isn't cured. Hanna's rightfully disturbed and doesn't have much faith in Mona's intentions: "You spent the last two years majoring in torture," she says, before finally agreeing to be her ally at school.
But Mona isn't the only one out carousing under the cover of darkness. Her fellow A-Teamer Toby is careening in an SUV through the dimly lit streets of Rosewood, barreling down on a defenseless skateboarder. More on that to come.
In light of the derailed Halloween party, Emily's dad has decided to alarm Chez Fields against intruders—and make Em something of prisoner inside her own home. And she better forget about that after-school charity race.
Ready for an upgrade to Mona 2.0? Our systems are, though we can't help also being a little apprehensive about the terrible texter's return to Rosewood High in tonight's "Pretty Little Liars" winter premiere. What will Mona's release from Radley mean for Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily? That's just one of many questions we have heading into "She's Better Now."
But before we cuddle up on the couch for the drama's return, we best revisit some of the major plot points from the first half of the season:
by Melissa Albert
What do head injuries, holidays and the Mayan apocalypse have in common? They all make you want to SING, of course, in this "Love, Actually"–inspired episode that's no more like "Love, Actually" than any episode of "Glee."
A bump on the head sends Artie into a black-and-white Alterverse, where his legs work fine and his choice of football over glee club means that glee doesn’t exist. Led by Brittany’s leprechaun friend Rory, his Christmas guardian angel, Artie witnesses an alternate timeline in which Becky’s pregnant, Rachel’s a librarian, Finn’s a homophobic jock and Quinn is dead...of a broken heart? That’s where you lost us, "Glee," though it is pretty delightful to see Will Schuester back with his lovely wife, the evil Terry. In a world without glee club, he’s too drunk to notice that her (fake) first-season pregnancy has resulted in her giving birth to a doll.
To prove to everyone how cool a glee club would be, Artie performs a desperate "Feliz Navidad," complete with shawl and maracas. The unimpressed reaction makes him decide to accept his wheelchair as part of his destiny, as long as it means he can have a song in his heart.